The Dangers of Masturbation and How To Avoid Them
Opinion
Note: Nobody I approached felt comfortable publishing this – so hear it lies, slightly out of place on my blog.
Some years ago I worked in the area of forensic psychology, assessing sexual offenders for court and parole. Assessing the dangerousness of a sex offender involved looking at many facets of their lives including their living circumstances, interpersonal skills, and offending behaviour. However, one of the more interesting things we assessed was their masturbatory habits. I say interesting, as it’s something often joked about, but rarely discussed in polite, contemporary culture. Who wants to be the weirdo talking (or writing) about masturbation?
However, it’s still an area shrouded in mystery and mythology, much of it incorrect. I was at a dinner party recently and was telling some guys what I knew about masturbation, one of them said “I wish I had known that 10 years ago’. I didn’t ask why, but instead decided to write this article.
In a world that has experienced an exponential proliferation of easily assessable pornography these learnings about masturbation become even more salient. Here’s everything I (think) I know about masturbation, and lessons for the ‘normal’ (pronounced with tongue firmly in cheek) among us. This article is for men. Women are another thing altogether.
Rule 1: Avoid Zeroing in
One of the hallmarks of a sexual offender is that they learn to masturbate to maladaptive themes during seminal years in their development. They may begin to masturbate about a particular younger person, or someone with a particular mannerism and stick with that fantasy. If they lack the social skills, or life experiences to broaden their masturbatory repertoire they may zero in on that particular fantasy. Masturbating about it repeatedly. The issue is masturbating to orgasm is such a pleasurable experience that it becomes an incredibly strong conditioner of human behaviour. Image within masturbatory fantasy equals very pleasurable orgasm. Repeat times a thousand will condition people to really desire that particular image. Therefore if something is fantasied about enough, under certain circumstances, it can become a pre-curser to acting on that fantasy (or put another way a sexual offender will more than likely have masturbated about their criminal activity many times before doing it.)
For the ‘normal’ ones among us if you zero in on a fantasy figure you may soon find that you have difficulty enjoying sex with anything other that that particular masturbatory fantasy. The proliferation of pornography has worsened the situation. People can ‘zero in’ on exactly the type of person and/or situation they want to masturbate about, and then that becomes the only thing they look for in real life. It can make sexual gratification in reality much more difficult.
If you keep your masturbatory fantasies broad then you’ll keep the number of sexual experiences you can really enjoy broad too. The same applies not just for ‘who’ you masturbate to, but what you imagine happening. Just keep it broad.
Rule 2: Include your partner or likely partner
When masturbating we tend to have rotating themes we imagine. Be sure to include your partner in these fantasies some or most of the time. If you don’t have a partner, then masturbate to the types of people you are likely to meet. You’ll have a more fulfilling sex life if you do. The reason being is that masturbation is again a strong conditioner of behavior. You’re pairing something highly enjoyable (ejaculation) with a particular stimulus (the person fantasized about). You’re best off conditioning yourself to enjoy the types of sex you’re having (or are likely to have).
Rule 3: Masturbate Nice
There is so much pornography out there that is nasty and degrading. Again what you masturbate to, is conditioning you to the type of sexual experiences you’ll enjoy. Masturbate to mutually satisfying themes where both parties are respected and enjoy the situation. Try honoring your partner when you masturbate, and it’s what you’ll want to recreate in the flesh (so to speak).
Rule 4: Masturbate before bed
If you’re having trouble sleeping masturbation can help. Ejaculation releases a powerful combination of chemical compounds including prolactin oxytocin and vasopressin, apparently all aiding sleep. It also explains why men like to fall asleep after sex! Also, if you think you are going to have sex that night, and you want it to last longer, then masturbate before hand. You’ll last longer if you do.
In Conclusion
Ok so it might be creepy writing an article about masturbation. I apologise if the article offended you. I apologise too, if some of this feels overly mechanical, a bit textbook.
I can assure you that masturbation and masturbatory fantasies are something taken very seriously within the world of sexual offenders and reform. However, most sexual education in schools I believe is still too similar to my own. It involved Mr Murray putting a condom on a banana, the classroom erupting in laughter, and he telling us we were all to immature to learn about sex, putting his banana away in a huff. Seriously, that was it. So perhaps there is merit putting this masturbatory guide out there.
Finally, as an aside I have to say I have no credibility or training in sexual therapy. So if you want to know more about sex or sexual dysfunction then please visit a psychologist or doctor (good luck!) Please do not visit AMI (the guys with the ‘Longer lasting sex’ billboards) – this is my investigation on them some years ago.